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One And Done

An open letter to all that insist I procreate again,


When did one and done become a saying that doesn’t compute in a humans mind? I’m not too sure, but since the birth of my daughter, even during my labour my midwife asked me:

“When are you having another one?”

And that’s when I get phenomenally frustrated at the fact that people don’t understand one and done. As like many other mums out there I had a pretty average time making a baby, sick the whole way through my pregnancy, birth was shitty - literally, recovery has been well over a year with surgeries to tuck things back into place, meds to make sure I can eat/sleep/poop/feed/function and finally! Learning to share love between your partner, yourself and the tiny amoeba you just pushed out your fru-ha.

I don’t think that it’s unreasonable then to say “I’m fine with one, thanks” and move forward in the conversation. But for some unknown reason people find it fair game to talk about your uterus and how active it should be.

“ But she needs a sibling, she’ll be all alone!”
“ Don’t you worry, once she’s bigger you’ll miss how little she is and want another.”
“ Better do it soon so there isn’t a large age gap between.”

Again, no.

Stop feeding me excuses to have another. I won’t be doing it for a number of reasons. One of them being that I physically cannot afford another human (I already own two cats, a husband, and a almost two year old that puts Beyoncé to shame on the fierce richter scale), but also for reasons that I don’t feel comfortable speaking about to strangers.

It’s ok to fear that you couldn’t love your second child as much as your first, or that you’re too selfish to be able to adequately share what you already have with another. It’s ok to selfishly want some control of your already freshly manipulated body that now does a wee even at the slightest thought of sneezing. It’s ok to want what’s best for the child that you already have and knowing that if you have another you might have to divide those opportunities between them which, might make each child miss out at times as well.

It is perfectly fine to have one child.

This is something that I have only just come to peace with and now that I have, I’M SO EFFING RELIEVED! So the next time someone asks me:

“ OMG, you’re kid is so cute when are you having your next baby?”

I’ll just say, “When I find one at the bottom of my beer glass” and walk off.

Boom! *Mic drop*

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  • Kate on

    Great piece! And soo succinctly articulates all my thoughts about my one and done x

  • Sara on

    Amen! I’m with you, one is my max. capacity. People’s arguments for more than one don’t hold much weight with me either because I was an only child myself and my childhood was rad.

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